All in the Family
The first email this morning was from my cousin informing me that our youngest cousin had met with an accident in India. I call up home right away and query about the incident, they assure me that he’s fine with a few minor injuries. I’m relieved. I put the phone down and walk over to my boss’s office for another round of marao-ing. [Hinglish: Royal Asskicking]
But ofcourse, if I was a certain hero from a movie called Family, I would have collected all my staff, friends and anyone I could get my hands on, on my way home from office. The team would consist of an egghead from [Identity of egghead's country censored], my ultra thin bodied systems engineer from Vietnam, my forever goofing off assistant systems engineer from Puerto Rico, my Chinese accountant who seems to have spent half his life driving around to reach whatever destination he is headed to, my hot American receptionist (we always need one), and a few others covering most of the countries that I am aware of.
Next we all gather at my place, and plan on the “many” ways to travel to India and find the “Gangsta” who committed the horrendous crime of getting my cousin into the accident. Or perhaps get the “Gangsta” to come to Orange County, California. If there is no “Gangsta” then we will create one. Next we will find the Gangsta’s family in Orange County or Los Angeles County or San Bernadino County or whatever fucking county exists in California and kidnap them. The Gangsta will fly to America which will most definitely lead to a fight (thank God for my East Europeon friends and those from the Bronx) and in the end Gangsta will repent and say sorry. Ofcourse this all is based on the assumption that none in my team (including me) is gonna shit in our pants at any point of time during the so-called fight with the Gangsta.
Family by the - I’m losing my sheen - Rajkumar Santoshi seems to tell you that you can have orgasms by simply looking at your private parts and telling it to have an orgasm. No I’m serious. How else could you explain the team of Santoshi, Shridhar Raghavan (writer) and Keshu (producer) dishing out a 80s/90s story, style and execution for the audience in 2006. If they were expecting we should lap it all up, then I’ve been trying to…the last 6 hours have been spent looking and blowing hot air on my dick in hopes I can have my first ejaculation without any touching. But it’s getting me nowhere and I’ve lost all hope. Ditto Santoshi’s Family. There is no hope there either.
Ofcouse this does not mean that Santoshi’s fundamentals have gone haywire. No. They are both sound and still show glimpses of his wizadry found in the early nineties in Ghayal, Damini and Andaz Apna Apna. But the subjects, scripts and execution styles need to be adapted to the current times…and fast before Santoshi joins the oz R.I.P. List here.
Love is blind. And that includes a father’s love for his son. Which is evident in the fact that Keshu the producer launched his son Aryeman as the leading hero in the movie…
Akshay and Amitabh will only be supporting you, son…you will be the reason why audiences excitedly will gate crash into the theaters to watch you in Family.
Well… the movie was watched 48 hours ago, add to that 6 hours of blowing hot air on my dick and I’m still waiting for that “excitement”.
Is there FUCKING TOO MUCH MONEY IN BOLLYWOOD THAT NOW WE SEE MOVIES HAVING HEROES WHO IDEALLY SHOULD BE MODELLING FOR SLEEPING PILLS?????
Where is all this FUCKING MONEY coming from? I need to know cause I could make better use of the cash…HELL - Anyone NOT FROM BOLLYWOOD could make better use of the money.
And it’s a pity to see an actor like Kader Khan coming onscreen after a long time to get three scenes where he has to look menancingly towards the camera and use his head to be at the receiving end of water pouring from a jar. Did he need to do this movie at all?
Akshay Kumar seems lost in the messy Family, while Amitabh looks like he is itching to get back home to his real family. Aryeman the producer’s son should get another job - one that has nothing to do with acting.
To see Santoshi make a “Family” is the greatest tragedy for any movie fanatic. What was Santoshi thinking?
Since I couldn’t make a Devdas, lets make a Family. Tragedy is tragedy…whatever way it is inflicted on the viewer.
F Grade. Blowing hot air on your dick is more interesting that watching this one.
On a sidenote - Rumours are afloat that Abhishek Bachchan will soon tie the knot….with Aishwarya Rai.
February 13th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
i thought it was a timepass movie. LOL!!! your comparisons to “d” are hilarious, but don’t you think you are being unduly harsh to Santoshi?