Desi Train

Ok, the post a day habit seems to have been broken. My apologies. But there is too much going on and life has been quite busy.

It’s got so hectic, that these days I don’t pause the movie, so I can jack off in the bathroom. I now do it right on the sofa while Jenna Jameson is talking to half a dozen dicks in the room.

I wonder if unemployment gives you a deeper sense of seeing things in a different way. I really think it does. So now you close your eyes and simply click on the “Apply” button on the employment websites… you’ve by now realized that your sitting there in front of your computer looking at a job description, then spending the next 30 minutes looking up at the ceiling and going “hmm… is this job right for me?… nah… oh… they do mention quick promotion… maybe… yeah”… so you email your resume… and 3 months later realize that the fuckers did not respond. You gave them 30 minutes of your time and the shit heads did not respond.

Assholes.

These days you follow a ritual every morning. Each morning you open your top 10 bookmarks. The browser opens up 10 windows. The bookmarks on your computer are named as Jobsite 1, Jobsite 2, Jobsite 3, Jobsite 4… it’s a new perspective, remember? Names of sites and their content have no meaning. So you end up sending your resume to an open position 10 times. Because the idiot company advertised it on all those 10 different sites. I wanna ask the company… what the hell were you thinking? That there is so much work available in the USA that you fear no one will see your ad? God if no one sees our ad, no one will apply, we will not get our open position filled, it will lead to a big mess and our company may suffer losses or worse even close down… lets play it safe… lets advertise on 10 websites…

Reality check. Advertising a vacancy on a website, will turn any unemployed guy on. Repeating the vacancy ad on a second website, will give him a hard on. Advertising it on a third website will have him masturbating right on his computer and by the time he reads your ad on the 10th website, he will have cum half a dozen times within the hour. So I’m cleaning myself up with some tissue, after reading the vacancy ad on the 10th website… when your brain transmits a word to your consciousness…

“FLUFFER”

Please don’t ask what the hell… a brain in an unemployed guy’s body works in different unique ways… that are difficult to decipher in a world of sanity and intelligence… While eating your bread at dinner, your brain starts calculating stuff like - Is it wheat bread or white bread that unloads from your body faster than the other?… or if I eat Rajma and Rice for lunch, will Himesh Reshammiya’s Aap Ka Suuuusuroor songs be enough for dinner… or it can get real political like - having a potluck party every second day at your place.

So it’s just pointless to try to understand the ways of the brain… which is why there was no reaction to the word “Fluffer” which the brain spoke out quite aloud.

Alright I found where the word came from. A friend had mentioned that I could atleast start working on movie sets at the bottom… the very bottom. So very bottom that you have to knock on the overhead door to be able to climb up and stand on the bottom. A production assistant, fluffer were some of the things suggested to me.

What’s a fluffer? - Oh nothing much to do, just rearrange the sofa or the curtains or the carpet that many have been moved between shots, she mentioned.

6 days later, the brain reminded me, that I should look for “Fluffer” positions.

An internet search led me to some leads. Sure enough “ANA LANDMORE PRODUCTIONS” has a job for a fluffer and the ad reads as…

$500 flat rate per day, working 2-3 hours per day. Monday – Friday. You’ll make at least $60,000 over the next 6 months and you’ll never be photographed or filmed.

I AM JUMPING ON MY CHAIR… 500 BUCKS A DAY TO JUST ARRANGE THE CHAIR, CARPET, CURTAINS AND OTHER PROPS ON A SET… WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

My hands are trembling. I first run to my prayer corner… you actually have a prayer corner now… it happens to most guys… specially after 4 months of unemployment. Suddenly you realize the power of prayer, the presence of God. “OH GOD, Help me… please give me this fluffer job. I pray of you. I beg of you… please please please let me have this job”

I make the phone call. There is a lady on the other end.

“Hello!”

Ana Landmore Productions?

“Uhh… what number do you want?”

My name is oz and you had advertised for a fluffer position that you have

“Oh yes we do…”

Well I have no movie-set experience… but I was wondering if you could consider me for the position. I’m hard working and can bring in a ton of experience to work

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“Well… the fluffer position is not for guys Mr. oz…. do you know what a fluffer is?”

Yeah… why?

So she gives me two sites to visit.

Site One lists the same ad where they advertised for a fluffer… except I now realize that the company name is spelt differently…

It’s not ANA LANDMORE PRODUCTIONS…

It’s…

ANAL AND MORE PRODUCTIONS…

I somehow have a weird sense of discomfort brewing within, as I type the second website the lady on the phone gave me. The second website has the definition of a fluffer…

Definition of Fluffer: A girl who performs oral sex off-camera during an adult video shoot to keep male performers erect in between scene entrances and exists.

The picture that my stupid-always-working-against-me brain projected was…

“oz sitting in half pants and a white vest on a 2 foot high stool. Two beefy muscled nude male porn stars come in front of me with their leaning-tower-of-Pisa dangling 6 inches away from my face and going - Suck it Bitch… the shot is ready. Get us hard quickly so we can give the shot”

My dear reader. Stop reading. Pause. Take a minute to imagine my state. After reading the ad and the stupid visual projected by my brain, you may… get… a glimpse of the intense mother fucking trauma I went through right then and there. The pain and shame was so intense I immediately picked up the phone and called…

Dr. Patel

“Doctor I’m feeling intense trauma and pain in my heart”

“What? What happened?”

“I just saw myself sitting in my chaddis on a porn movie set, about to get two male performers hard… down there… Dr. Patel… give me some pain killers or anti-depressants”

“oz… calm down… you need to watch less porn”

Click.

WATCH LESS PORN… My doctor is going nuts… TOMORROW HE WILL SAY I SHOULD STOP STARING AT MY MINI-ME SO OFTEN… I tell you guys… I need to change my doctor…

So I stop watching my mini-me, put it back in and start thinking.

It’s almost tempting to call the lady at Ana Landmore Productions… correction… Anal And More Productions and ask if they need any male fluffers for female performers… I guess not. Sanity prevails… there are times when I miraculously find the brakes to put on my brains so as to not have my ass kicked.

The thing didn’t stop there… the site the lady had asked me to visit… was actually a secret job site for people looking for employment in the Adult Entertainment Industry… there was more to come… more on it tomorrow…

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 2nd, 2007 at 9:47 am
Filed under Comedy, Life Flava
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