Desi Train

Many of the Indian entertainment sites are reporting that Chak De India is a failure in the USA. Rediff has reported that it collected a meagre US$351,000 from about 62 theaters it was released in the USA. It’s basis of labeling Chak De India a “disappointment” is in the comparison to what Salman Khan starrer Partner, earned in it’s opening weekend, which is about US$600,000.

So if many liked Chak De India, why has it not fared well? After all it’s a common notion… and a fact that Shahrukh Khan is a bigger name than Salman Khan, here in the US. Plus Chak De India is a better entertainer according to most who have seen both the movies.

Why would it then have such meagre collections? One reason given by the same article and ever so lame - the usual fall back on reason - Pakistanis and Bangladeshis did not see the movie because of the content. And trust me… in the last ten years every time a movie which may even have a hint of Hindu-Muslim, India-Pakistan and such.. has failed at the box office in the US, most of the “analysts” point to the same cause.

It’s high time… real brains are put into work. The whole system of Indian Distribution companies and Productions house branches set up in the USA is rotting and is self drowning itself in it’s unintelligent, uncreative strategies and lack of ambition to go ahead and stand in the center, rub shoulders alongside the major players. It isn’t happening. Instead Indian companies are content on operating from a corner, advertising in the same 8 Indian newspapers, releasing movies in the same 50 odd worst theaters (more on it later) and have repeatedly shown a stupid, idiotic, unintelligent and a highly repulsive standard follow the herd theory in its business in the USA.

Lets take a look at two to three Production houses, along with a few incidents where I got a chance to interact with the people working there (without them knowing who I was)

YASHRAJ

Standard Release Strategy.

Show promos of upcoming releases on every Indian channel. Push advertisements of movies in the 6 - 8 Indian Newspapers published in the USA. Release movies in the patented for Indian films theaters which are about 50 to 60. Then if some group of Indians approach them for a print, then rent it out to them… these group of Indians will be full time software engineers or running businesses will be releasing such movies in one or two theaters that they may have got a hold of. It is a weekend make-money-part-time business line for them. (Lets call this group the Weekend Distributor.)

The next step for Yashraj is - Then wait. The crowds will come. The Yashraj brand, SRK or something else will pull the crowds in.

End of Strategy.

End of Implementation.

Result:- Tararumpum and Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. And I won’t go into the quality of movies. The focus here is the creative marketing brains behind these Indian companies that should have the word creative struck out from the dictionary. Buffoon would be a more ideal replacement.

The Shit Hole Theaters

Did Yashraj know that Tararumpum was shown is such down and out theaters that were actually shit holes?

Obviously most production companies for fear of the big bad Hollywood or whatever, looks within for releasing movies. Indian theaters. Weekend Distributors and nothing more.

The Weekend Distributor has some screens where he has a mouth watering deal. Release a Yashraj movie and rake in the moolah over the weekend.

I saw Tararumpum in a shit hole theater in Sunnyvale that may be closing down because it was too old. You enter the main door and walk two steps. The theater ends. Take the stair which are creaking so bad that you fear you’ll fall into some chasm. The sitting arrangement is in a hall that smells of quickly applied fresh paint. The seats were last repaired in 1973. There were four speakers the size of an Indian Ambassador car that blasted on full volume and had this jarring inducing a headache capability.

And this is the USA.

Data Misrepresentation and a mismanaged business communication

And then there’s Chak De India.

Apparently the chain of theaters - Naz8 has some kind of a deal with Chegg.com

Chegg provides the facility to Naz8 for movie goers to book tickets online at Naz’s website.

BIG MISTAKE.

At 5pm we bought tickets online for a 8pm show. The website showed 6pm and 7pm as “Houseful”. Fifteen minutes later we wanted another ticket for the 8pm show. Bad Luck. 8pm now shows up as “Houseful”

During the 8pm show… the hall is HALF EMPTY. We inquire at the window if there are seats available for the 8pm show. “SURE” - they do. But the hall remains half empty.

WHY?

Shouldn’t Yashraj be suing Naz and Chegg for falsifying data and misleading people (online) into believing the shows are full. Many of Californians prefer buying tickets online specially when it has an SRK. And here the screens are half empty (6,7,8,9,10pm as we checked personally) while the online ticket window shows it as a HOUSEFUL.

Did the media look into this before falling back on - sorry we can’t think anew so we’ll use the age old reasons - to explain Chak De India’s failure?

Horrifying Sleepiness in their Promos

UNINSPIRING. All their promos this year have had a strong bent intention, it seems, to make the audience go snoring, get bored, or take a knife and slash their wrists than go and watch the movie.

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, Tararumpum, Chak De India, Laga Chunari Mein Daag and Aaja Nachle.

All. All of the above. None of the promos of each of the movie above have any element that hooks the viewer.

Who are the guys cutting the promos at Yashraj this year? They need some fresh doze of energetic, creative and out of the box thinking people who can do it right. Whoever is cutting the promos needs to take a long vacation. Half the battle at Yashraj is being lost because of the abysmal, depressing and degrading quality of their promos/trailers.

No ambitions on Market Expansion

All, and not just Yashraj. There is no attempt or very feeble efforts being made at market expansions. Look at the Chinese. Look at the Koreans. They are working hard on it. So where is the Indian distribution house? It’s nowhere to be seen. The audience for foreign movies is growing, rapidly. There is a high degree of awareness than ever before about Bollywood and Indian cinema. Yet, it’s as if the people in charge of the USA branches of the Indian companies are meek, unambitious and almost afraid to step out.

You have New York Times now regularly reviewing Bollywood movies. Chak De has received good reveiws from the American Press. What does it say? Does anyone at Yashraj, Adlabs, Eros and other houses even put their brains to use to see the growing market for them underneath these reviews? Or will they be content on just going to those 50 theaters for a release and the Indian grocery shops for marketing the DVD. Chak De had a decent chance to take a swipe at the American foreign film watching audience and beyond. Remember Bend it like Beckham? But someone at Yashraj may have said ‘Nah… it won’t work’… and the chapter is closed… Experimenting and Creativity for production houses has to move beyond the movie making process. Its high time they realized it… now with many Hollywood studios stepping in Bombay… the Management side of Entertainment business at these Indian companies needs to up their ante… and fast.

Do Yashraj, Adlabs, Eros etc… know that even the Ramsay Brothers is one up on them… Atleast they are marketing the z grade DVDs for releases in Hollywood and Blockbuster Video rental chain. I kid you not… a Dino Moreo movie directed by a Ramsay stands right next to “Old Boy” at Hollywood Video… you’ve got to be kidding me…

So would I work at Yashraj USA? (Rating : C Minus)

Depends. As far as what I’ve heard, all decisions are made by just one man. So that throws all creative inputs and your exciting energy to do something for them right out of the window. Would give it a shot if they approached you.

So what is Yashraj’s contribution to the global expansion of Indian Cinema? (Rating : C Minus)

Yes and No. It’s efforts are mostly constrained and restricted to the Indian Population. Yes it has contributed in many ways to by collaborating with Tourist departments of many nations to open doors for Indian shoots. But beyond that… when it really comes marketing it to a non Indian population, there is hardly any visible effort.

ADLABS

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Everything about this company is wrong. Right from the decisions to what to market, how to market, why to market and everything else.

Firstly. None and I mean none of the decisions are made in the USA office. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. All decisions are faxed or emailed from Bombay Headquarters - who obviously are still confused over the difference between US and USA.

The whole marketing and release process is exactly the same as Yashraj. No difference. The US office has no clue what they need to do if their fax machine broke down or their email system went bonkers. Things are so bad, that it would seem, their daily timetable of things to be done is faxed to them, so they may actually end up doing something.

I’ve personally met some people who work at Adlabs without them knowing who I am, on a number of occassions. And from what I hear. Things are bad. Some of the guys shouldn’t even be working there. Their qualification and knowledge about streamlined marketing and distribution is bonkers… cause there is none. Their knowledge lies in throwing out names of stars, directors, projects that they have in Adlabs’s kitty. And they feel proud of that. Beyond those names, they are a fish out of water.

So are they trying to go mainstream… release Indian movies in more main stream US theaters? And that question was asked by an American lady from Hollywood. Well the guys fumbled over the answer… “yes… we are talking… we are going to festivals”… in short… it meant they weren’t doing a thing… nor had any inclination, intention, inspiration to do it… sorry… they do not have any instructions from Bombay Headquarters to do so… and if they did receive any instructions, they would have no clue how to go about doing it, except making a few calls… again to Indians or a few names in Hollywood, who at some other time would have approached them with the same sets of questions. It’s a scenario that is equivalent to the cat going round and round trying to catch it’s own tail. The merry go round never stops.

Just Fill in the Kitty

The objective for any production house is to fill in the kitty. They have to have a number of releases each year. Hence Adlabs may, like others, come up with good films. Come up. Yes. Notice I’m not using “aggressively and creatively market”…

The biggest problem with Adlabs is the head honchos are tightly focussed on the quarterly balance sheets. Big Mistake. As with any industry, take the eyes off the product and you can drop down your shutters. Some egg head decided Black Friday was not a marketable movie.

How did they arrive at that decision? Is a movie now to be considered an orange or a mango or a cotton fabric where you say “Oh this will not sell in Mexico, but will surely do in India”… Decision are being made purely from a financial aspect. That mean you have taken your eyes off the art. It has to be balanced. At Adlabs the only thing balanced is their balance sheets, it seems, which won’t stay that balanced for long if their priority One isn’t cinema.

It will take years for Adlabs, Yashraj, Eros and others to realize their mistakes… those moments when they could have opened up the global market on Non Indians for Indian movies, purely based on those key movies they had in hand. Black Friday was Adlabs big time springboard. The idiots didn’t seem to care. The damage done to the forward movement of Indian cinema in the global arena by these very big production houses will be realized a few years from now when these very moments are watched in a macroscopic perspective.

And hence Adlabs USA suffers. The dull, standard, run of the mill management at headquarters seeps into the selection of personal, strategy (actually a complete lack of), expansion plans etc… by the US office. A puppet held by a ridiculously un-creative, un-ambitious master I don’t see any wonders being performed by the company. It will purely run because of the ridiculous amount of cash that it is in possession of.

So would I work at Adlabs USA? (Rating : F Minus)

Taking a bowl and using your creative head to make money by begging, is a more attractive proposition than lending your creative brains to this dead fish.

So what is Adlabs’ contribution to the global expansion of Indian Cinema? (Rating : Z Minus)

You’ve got to be kidding me by asking that question. When Art is run purely by accountants with no inclination to caress, grow and love the medium, you see only a group of people with short term agendas in mind. It’s high time the people behind Adlabs seriously start thinking of going back to Polyester than be in world of art and cinema

EROS ENTERTAINMENT

Sometimes I feel that Adlabs and Eros are twin brothers, who mimic and imitate each other when it comes to marketing movies. Or perhaps they should be two video rental stores that are next to each other, opening at the same time, displaying the same movies, the interior of both stores is exactly the same, including the same color, the same broken shelves etc. etc.

Absolutely no difference. Even the money. I am led to believe that Eros too has a lot of cash pumped into it’s belly as much as, if not more, than Adlabs.

Wow. So what do they do?

They have Anil Kapoor make the next big mistake of his life. Gandhi My Father is handed to Eros for distribution and marketing. Perhaps Eros was the highest bidder. But Kapoor didn’t make the movie to sell it to the highest bidder? or did he? I believe that if he wanted to make a movie to just sell it, he could have made “My next Kamal Hasan emulation” (and I’m saying this with a high sense of regard to him and Kamal) instead of Gandhi My Father.

Again let me point, the objective of this article is not the quality of the movie but the creative and ambitious thought process, strategy and implementation to advertise, market and distribute a movie.

Everything Eros did for Gandhi My Father from day one was wrong. Gandhi My Father was never a - One weekend and grab as much audience as you can - kind of a movie. It’s a community movie. It has a growth process attached to it. It’s a global movie.

So what do Eros do?

Nothing beyond what Yashraj and Adlabs do. 8 Indian newspapers, promo on Indian channels, he same old, dirty, dingy theaters where all Indian movies come to. End of story.

End of Gandhi My Father.

The community build up was zero. This movie should have been targeted at an all out American audience and not just Indians. It should have spent atleast a month or two in special previews for the American media. This was again a big opportunity.

But nah. The same old story. Complete absence of the desire for creative marketing. None of the American population knows that there is a movie called Gandhi My Father… Did Eros even know that the film is based on a play? A PLAY… A FUCKING PLAY THAT RUNS AND RUNS AND RUNS - which it did and over time built an audience for it self and was then adapted into other languages. Did Eros know that? If they did… didn’t it give them an itsy bitsy tiny idea that perhaps they should be applying the same concept in the films marketing and release, primarily because they have the data on how the original play succeeded.

One Weekend… and take it ALL… MY FUCKING FOOT…

So would I work at Eros USA? (Rating : Z Minus)

If you do get to work there, the only thing that your creative management brainy idea may be accepted by them is changing the name of Eros to ESnore… plus according to what I’ve heard, they aren’t good paymasters and are looking for robots than people with creative brains and drive.

So what is Eros’ contribution to the global expansion of Indian Cinema? (Rating : Z Minus)

The day Eros makes any reasonable contribution to the global expansion of Indian Cinema, we should all collect money and build a temple for Lord Eros.

Yes, these firms make money, because they are in the grocery business and not movies. Selling music, dvds, videos, online stores and what not… merely aping each other and following the herd. Whereas their US branches… are just a that… a branch… tragic, very tragic indeed. For there is so much that can be done… yet there is nothing… absolutely nothing…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Filed under Bollywood, Lens Eye View
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